"Am I in Trouble?"

Children with ADHD may internalize thoughts like “there’s something wrong with me,” or they respond aggressively towards adults telling them they are ‘bad’ or ‘wrong.’

I volunteer in a classroom for students with special needs. One day towards the end of our time in in the classroom, I observed one of our student’s asking a team member “am I in trouble?” The question is not what caught my attention, it was the behavior that ensued. The young boy backed himself into the corner, slid down the wall, and buried his face in his hands. It was as if he expected the worse. My heart went out to him. Imagine what it must feel like to anticipate reprimand for behaviors that you can’t regulate, no matter how hard you try. That is a lot for anyone to carry, let alone a child.

Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) wrestle with these feelings often. The general thought is that children with ADHD have a difficult time staying focused. However, behavior is a significant challenge as well. Outbursts and non-cooperation are not symptoms of ADHD itself, but are a byproduct of ADHD symptoms. “Inattention and impulsivity can make it very difficult for kids to tolerate tasks that are repetitive, or take a lot of work, or kids find boring,” states Caroline Miller, Editorial Director of Child Mind Institute. In addition, some children with ADHD develop negative behavior patterns as a result of constant conflict with adults, namely parents and teachers, over their behavior. Children with ADHD may display hyperactive and impulsive behaviors, but they are not malicious. Their behavior is a manifestation of their disability, and they do not yet have the tools to regulate their own behavior. As a result, children internalize thoughts like “there’s something wrong with me,” or they respond aggressively towards adults telling them they are ‘bad’ or ‘wrong.’

Understanding this is key, because when a child develops a pattern of negative interactions, behavior strategies that work with other children most likely will not work with them.

Strategies that may work:

• Avoid losing your temper. Yelling is not effective, especially if it is a constant practice. Children expect it and ignore it.

• Avoid punishment – not correction; children with ADHD experience a constant state of punishment, which after a time no longer matters.

• Provide structure.

• Provide clear, explicit instruction and model what type of behavior you expect. Be sure to define boundaries.

• Provide praise and opportunities to build relationship. Examples are Caught Being Good rewards, high fives when doing things correctly, “Thank you for listening,” and “I love the way you sat down when I asked,” are ways to prompt and encourage appropriate behaviors.

• Ask questions. For example, if a child turns off the lights without permission, identify the behavior as inappropriate and ask, “what should you have done instead?”

Children who have trouble regulating their own behavior need external regulation of behavior. They need structure, direction, and most importantly, you.

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